No one said marriage is easy. Marriage also shouldn’t be a constant struggle. It’s time to change that with these 13 tips on how to improve your marriage.
In marriage, you must prioritize communicating and making the relationship function. I mean, you signed the paper. At least give it a solid shot. Now, it’s not going to change overnight, but there are things to do immediately if you want to know how to improve your marriage drastically.
How to improve your marriage
Relationships are hard work, they really are. Of course, when married there’s a legal commitment to each other which adds extra pressure. However, all relationships, whether bound by marriage or not, require constant work. It’s normal for people to think that once married the hard work is over. But in reality, it’s just begun. Again, this doesn’t mean your marriage should feel like work.
When you’re trying to figure how to improve your marriage, there are moments where you work harder than others, but that’s what happens when you go into a relationship. It’s no longer just about you. Now you have another person to think and compromise with. It’s time to roll up those sleeves and get to work.
#1 Make sure to fall asleep together. Going to bed together is extremely important. This is usually the time when you talk about your day or what you’ll be doing tomorrow. This doesn’t mean you need to have sex. Of course, if you want to then have sex. The point is, going to bed together makes you feel connected to your partner.
#2 Go phone-free. Now, this doesn’t mean you need to ditch your phone altogether, but spend some time of your day without your phone. Watch a movie with your partner, cook dinner, cuddle, have sex. Whatever it is you want to do together, do it without your phones. This is your time with your partner, your time to spend however you wish without any distractions.
#3 Be affectionate. People get lazy when married. They stop showing affection, stop doing the little things that create connection and make the person feel loved. Start by making a more conscious effort in this department. Kiss your partner good morning, hold their hand while walking, surprise them with ice cream or Chinese food. The little things matter.
#4 Communicate your emotions. Communicate how you feel to your partner. If they did something you didn’t like, tell them. Don’t wait for a couple weeks to go by because we all know what will happen. By then, you collected a list of things that bother you. You’re going to unleash them on your partner. This isn’t fair. If you have an issue talk it out immediately.
#5 Say you’re sorry. This is a hard one for many people. But listen, if you fucked up, you fucked up. Just admit it, say you’re sorry, and move on.
No one wants to admit they’re wrong, but you’re a grown adult, so it’s time you grew up and took responsibility for your actions. Being right isn’t important, your relationship is what’s important.
#6 Have sex. You’ll be surprised at how sex solves a lot of issues in marriage. Many couples have their sex life drastically reduced after they get married. Don’t wait for your partner to make a move. Take the initiative and surprise them with a quickie or a passionate kiss. Sex is extremely therapeutic for couples, it’s something intimate and rebuilds the connection.
#7 Know each other’s schedules. This may sound a bit hectic, but it’s important. I know, you may not see the importance but bear with me. You and your partner need to stay on the same page. Plus, if your partner doesn’t care what you do during your day, that’s a problem. You want them to be interested in your day and vice versa. It shows that you care about each other.
#8 Communicate as partners. Not business partners. Remember, now with texting and emails, it’s easy to send a text to your partner which sounds more like a business request. You don’t want that. Yes, communicate with your partner but do it in a loving way. Add a couple cute emojis at the end or flirt with them.
#9 Add some spice. This doesn’t mean you change your hair or tie your arms to the bedposts—of course, you can. But you can also spice things up just by wearing a new piece of lingerie or sending them a naughty text/photo.
It’s normal for relationships to plateau when you’ve been together for a long period of time. This means you need to work to bring back the flame.
#10 Make a date night. You and your partner need time to hang out together. Now, you can stay in and watch a new movie or try something out of the house. Go to a play, try ice skating, or a new restaurant. The point is, do something that’s new for both you and your partner. These date nights will rekindle the connection.
#11 Write out your fights. If you fight with your partner, write about it. This helps you gain perspective on what happened and helps you understand your partner.
You’ll see things that you couldn’t see in the heat of the moment. Keep this writing for yourself and use it for your own self-awareness and self-development.
#12 Don’t talk it out right after a fight. This usually doesn’t make people feel better. Instead, it brings up the issue again and more often than not, makes it worse. You need a timeout and so does your partner. Go for a walk, go to bed, watch a movie. Calm down and regain perspective. When you’re emotional, it’s usually not a good combination to solve the conflict. Take a time out and talk to them when you’re calm.
#13 It’s all about quality. You may think sex five times a day, kissing every two minutes, and holding each other at any free moment will help the relationship, but that’s not necessarily true.
It’s not about the quantity of intimacy, it’s about the quality. You have to genuinely feel like kissing or hugging your partner, then they’ll feel it. Kissing them just to make sure they know you love them isn’t enough.